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Loserisms - A Total Losers view on various topics.


loserism

Our loyal educated readers agree. Loserisms are honest, and true to life. They are something almost everybody has experienced, thought about, or felt at one time, or another, though most won’t admit to. Can you relate to loserisms? Are you a total loser too? Are you lying?

Loser - One that fails consistently, especially a person with bad luck or poor skills. ...Hey thats me.

ism - A distinctive doctrine, system of principles, or theory.

Loserism - A distinctive doctrine, system of principles, or theory, of one that fails consistently, especially a person with bad luck or poor skills. Thats is all me, there, here are a handful of my loserisms.

Life's all about ASS: Covering it, kissing it, or trying to get it.

Time Travel
How long is a minute? I have heard it said that it depends on the situation. One minute with your hand on a hot stove seems like eternity. One minute sitting on a park bench talking to a pretty girl is but an instant. I remember back in high school sitting in another boring class, I'd watch the clock waiting for the 47 minute class period to end, and it would seem like each class lasted an insanely long time. That was 16 years ago. That 16 years has gone by very quickly. Is it just me, or does one seem to travel faster through time as one ages??? I think time moves most quickly when you are in bed, wake up, and see that you still have two hours to sleep before the alarm goes off. Those two hours go by in a flash.

If first you don't succeed... maybe LOSING is your style.

Childhood games.
Hopscotch, now there is a fun filled game of our youth. Hop on one foot across the artistic master piece drawn on the ground till it becomes 2 spaces wide, then you land on both feet, then back to one foot again. Woo hoo were having fun now. And who could forget the ultimate human bonding, childhood game, called duck, duck, goose. (goose was a thing you didn’t want to be.) A bunch of kids sit around in a big circle facing the middle, and one goes around the outside tapping them on the head saying duck, duck, duck, duck,… and when they tap someone on the head, and say goose that person has to chase them around the outside of the circle. The kid that tapped him on the head, and said goose, has to get around the circle, and sit back down in the spot the other kid was before he gets tagged. If they get tagged before they sit down, they have to go sit in the center of the circle, a fate worse then death. Remember playing that? The person that was “it” (there’s another thing you didn’t want to be.) would look for the person that was least likely to catch him to goose, usually it was the fat kid, or the little guy that couldn’t run fast that would get goosed. You could always tell too when they were about to goose somebody because the last duck would be more drawn out like this, duck, duck, duck, duuuck, goose! And the goose wouldn’t get a tap on the head, the goose always got a solid slam across the head hoping to stun them temporarily to give the person who was “it” a better chance to make it around the circle without getting tagged. The goose would get up, and stagger the first few steps, with his right ear ringing, trying to get his wits back about him again after having been recently slammed across the head, and give chase. Then the process starts all over again. What a sick game to have to play.

Isn't a smoking area in a restaurant like a peeing area in a swimming pool?


Insomnia
What can be said about insomnia other then it sucks. When you have insomnia, you’re never really asleep, and you’re never really awake. Some people ask me, how can you not sleep, I always ask in reply how can you sleep? People that do not suffer from it cannot possibly understand what it is like. I myself cannot understand how someone can fall asleep just by laying down. I spend most my nights reading, mostly books on finance, and investing, physics, or new age books. I start to feel tired after a few hours of reading, so I lay there looking up at the ceiling trying to fall asleep, waiting for a good sleep that never comes. Sure I fall asleep eventually, even losers must get sleep, but it is never a good nights sleep, whatever that is. Waking up after a few hours sleep, and not being able to get back to sleep is the worst. You lay there tossing, and turning waiting for sleep to come again. Then comes frustration, and anger as the clock moves closer to the time the alarm goes off. Hey did you know they make something called Tylenol PM that helps you sleep... how many times have I heard that? I take so much of that my liver throbs at times. I don't take it everyday. On days that I don't work the next day it don't really matter if I toss, and turn till 3-4 in the morning. Besides if you take it everyday your body gets use to the Diphenhydramine in it, and it won't work. As it is I need to double the dose to even feel groggy 2 hours later. If you have insomnia too it does help to have a snack a half hour, or so after you take it to activate it.

Remember when MTV use to play music videos....all day long?



MUSIC
Remember when rock and roll was wild, and aggressive. Remember the big hair days? How about the big hair and make up look used by such groups as Poison, and Motley Crue? Remember the rock and roll rebels of the 80’s? Remember heavy metal? Now we have what I refer to as bubble gum rock. Not only are they more soft, they do not even sing their songs… they lip sync them. Oh they do not call it that though. They call it using "vocal assistance." Isn’t that what the person working the drive through at fast food places use? Maybe today’s stars would be better off working in a fast food joint if they need “vocal assistance." I for one am glad Motley Crue is making a comeback in the music scene. Ozzy has to be the greatest rock and roll rebel ever. His old material and that with Black Sabbath is great music. Then again that’s just the ism of a loser. I was a long haired rock, and roll rebel in the 80’s the only thing that has changed is my hair length. Ozzy has a new boxed set called Prince of Darkness; one has my name on it!

I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Opportunity
I don’t believe in luck. I believe in opportunity. When life places a great opportunity before us, we either act on it or ignore it. Sometimes when life presents an opportunity to do something great, people don’t see it for what it is. That is the difference between people who achieve success, and those who live a hum drum existence.

One such opportunity takes place in the shower. Yes in the shower, everyday. Different people bring different things with them when they take a shower, a change of clothes for instance. I myself bring a beer into the shower with me. Never miss an opportunity to drink a beer that’s my motto. Although a glass bottle is easier to close to keep the soap out between drinks, if you are already drunk a can may be safer, as you may cut your feet on the glass should it break when dropped. Screw top plastic bottles or the new aluminum bottles work well too. I think the better taste of beer in a glass bottle, outweigh the risks myself. So what does this have to do with opportunity? I was getting to that.

So there you are having just put conditioner in your hair, now what do you do? You wait one minute then rinse. What do you do while you are waiting for that minute? DRINK YOUR BEER! A great opportunity has been presented to you. Sure you can wash something else while you are waiting, but why? While you are standing under the water rinsing off after soaping up is another chance to down some more beer.

Now some people may say that bringing a beer with you into the shower is a sure sign that you have a drinking problem. I don’t believe there is such a thing. If you drink every night, and get up the next morning for work you don’t have a drinking problem. If you drink all night, and get up the next morning, and decide that staying home and drinking is more important then going in to work, you still don’t have a drinking problem, you have a priorities problem.

Farts happen…. before the main event.





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